Dear Mann Landers,
I’m having one of those days where my girlfriend is pissed at me but I don’t know why. I’ve tried to trace my steps but I’m really bad at this stuff - haven’t a clue what she’s so upset about?
Thoughts?
Pulling a Blank, in Pittsburgh
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Dear Pulling a Blank,
Hmmm … it could really be any number of things. Do any of the items in the list below ring a bell?
- Did you pee on the toilet seat?
- Did she catch you picking your nose and flicking your findings?
- Did you pass out immediately after fornication (that lasted 87 seconds to begin with)
- Did you laugh at Peter Griffin’s antics during a rerun of Family Guy while you were pretending to listen to her vent about her day at work?
- Did you reveal that your plans for the long weekend were to go camping with the guys?
- Did you shave your pubes and leave the evidence all over the bathroom?
- Did you drunkenly leave the oven on all night with 4 slices of extra cheese pizza baking directly on the rack sans baking sheet or foil?
- Did you snore all night?
- Did you erase “old” shows (ones she had PVR’d to watch at a later date) in order to record WWE Smackdown?
- Did you text her at 8:30 to say you wouldn’t be home for dinner?
- Did you then text her at midnight to say she didn’t need to wait up, that you wouldn’t be home till late?
- Did you swap your faulty cellphone battery with her perfectly functioning cellphone battery?
- Did you buy her a “treat” that was extra light, low-cal, or low-fat and tell her she could enjoy it without feeling guilty
- Did you wear white socks with black shoes and black pants to one of her work functions?
- Did you create a “B.O. Hotbox” by leaving your sweaty gym clothes and shoes in the car with the windows all closed?
You’re welcome,
Mann Landers
