Providing relationship advice from a male's perspective since early 2010. Email your relationship queries to AskMannLanders@gmail.com. Join me on Facebook, or follow me on Twitter. Please spread my message to any friends in need. I post on Mon/Wed/Fri. I look forward to bettering your life. *Note that I am in no way affiliated with the late Ann Landers.

Aug12

Best of Mann Landers: Easy “breezy” in the windy city

Dear Mann Landers,

I wouldn’t describe myself as an overly gassy man, but like everyone I have good days and bad. I have been seeing a girl for six months now, and passing wind is not part of our relationship. Is there a tactful way to go about farting in front of my girlfriend, so as to cause minimal disruption to our young love? Will my internal discomfort ever be reason enough to make her uncomfortable?

Sincerely,

Windy, in Chicago

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Dear Windy,

Your questions are as old as the enlightened man. There are two distinct lines of thinking that have propelled this vexing conundrum. On the one hand, proponents argue that gas is as natural as breathing, and we shouldn’t shy away from it - if you are meant for each other then she will deal with it.

On the other hand, opponents begin with the assumption that in all likelihood you are replaceable. In many cases it is miraculous that she would even consider sleeping with you … any girl worth her weight in gold has a lineup of suitors. As a result, you must live day-to-day highlighting attributes that make you moreappealing, not less. Since farting is always unappealing it should always be avoided.

Both arguments have merit. My thinking is that in the early stages it is better to side with the latter’s argument against farting rather than the former’s open support for anal emissions. Once you are comfortable enough in the relationship, it is okay to test the water (or in this case - the air). I cannot tell you exactly when that will be, as it depends on the situation and the girl. Unfortunately, much like your gas … the answer must come from within you. When the time is right, letting one slide will be a non-issue.

Until you are comfortable, try to find non-offensive ways to sneak one out. Crop dusting (also known as fart walks) has long been a popular approach - step out for some fresh air, go to the bedroom to change your socks, or slip into the washroom to brush your teeth - there is an endless array of possibilities that will allow you to avoid the situation entirely.

Last but not least, comfort level aside … it is always best to avoid small, poorly ventilated spaces.

You’re welcome,

Mann Landers