Dear Mann Landers

When I wake up in the morning my voice is about 4 octaves lower than my normal everyday voice. I can hardly distinguish the words coming out of my own mouth, so I can’t imagine any girl being able to comprehend my morning pillow talk flirting.

What can I do to remedy the situation?

Sincerely,

Chocolate Rain, in Chicago

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Dear Chocolate Rain,

You are correct. It’s human nature that when your vocal chords sit dormant at night they become dry and stiff and the result is a voice with a lot more bass.

You can:

1. Gargle with Mouthwash: it’ll lube up your pipes while also making your breath fresh. The problem? The sound alone might weird her out.
2. Hum “Doe Rae Me” in the Shower: it’ll be like calisthenics for your chords.  The problem? You showering will give a signal that you’re not coming back to bed.

My suggestion?

Embrace the bass! Leverage the deep voice by singing the following lyrics to her….

My darling, I can’t get enough of your love babe

Girl, I don’t know, I don’t know why

Can’t get enough of your love babe

Oh, some things I can’t get used to

No matter how I try

Just like the more you give, the more I want

And baby, that’s no lie

Oh no, babe

See you don’t have a problem that needs a remedy, you’ve got a morning talent that just hasn’t seen the light of day.

You’re welcome,

Mann Landers