Dear Mann Landers,

I went on vacation last week and met this guy.  We really hit it off, and one thing led to another… yada yada yada.  I won’t lie to you, I knew in advance that he had a girlfriend, but I figured it was a vacation and these things often happen.  But, we live in the same city.  I’m a little lost about how to deal with this situation.  I feel guilty, but also like this guy quite a bit.  I don’t want to ruin his relationship, but at the same time really like him.  Can you help?

Sincerely,

Guilty Mistress

********************************************

Dear Guilty Mistress,

Let me start by saying that I do not condone any form of cheating.  It is not gentlemanly, nor is it lady-like.  You have two contradictory desires: 1) to be free of guilt and 2) to have this guy all to yourself.  TAchieving that is like trying to masturbate and cry at the same time – very difficult.

Let me simplify the decision process for you.  You are not going to get this guy.  You are part of his spring vacation fun – you represent a holiday from “real life.”  When you’re on vacation, life is easy.  You got “intimate” without the regular stresses of life… which is to say that your post coital conversation didn’t revolve around when you’re going to do laundry, or clean the kitchen, or why he hasn’t cleaned the pee off the toilet seat yet.  More than likely, your stress-free conversation had crashing waves as the soundtrack, followed by falling asleep under the stars.  In short, your “relationship” with him was a part of a fantasy.

If it eases your mind, there’s no reason to feel guilty.  Cheating with you will likely result in one of two things for him:  He’ll either realize how much he loves his girlfriend and never do it again, or the experience will make him realize that he’s not so into his girlfriend and he’ll move on.  Consider yourself the catalyst for progressing both of their lives.  Look at you, you good samaritan, you.

You’re welcome,

Mann Landers