Dear Mann Landers,

My girlfriend is incredibly successful. I am not.

My girlfriend keeps getting more and more successful. I do not.

I’m starting to feel insecure. Should I aim to keep up? Should I settle into the role of 2nd highest paid in the household?

I just want to keep her around!

Sincerely,

Eating Her Dust, in Denver

*********************************************************************************

Dear Eating Her Dust,

Relax - it’s a great problem to have. Your girlfriend sounds like she’s an absolute catch.

I’m glad you wrote in because the two options you’ve been weighing are both wrong…

1.) Should You Aim To Keep Up?

No. She’s got a significant head start, which means you’ll have to go the high-risk / high-reward entrepreneurial route which has a 99% failure rate. Will a catch like her want to stay with a failure?

2.) Should You Settle In To The Role Of 2nd Highest Paid Member in the Household?

No. She’ll grow to resent you if she catches you slothing around all day playing fantasy sports and wearing sweats - while making no effort to break one.

*There is a 3rd option… and it’s a sure fire way to avoid losing her…

3.) Should You Keep Any Full-time Job & Become A Cunnilinguist?

Yes. Hopefully gaining full-time employment is achievable. Becoming a cunnilinguist involves commitment and $10.17 to buy The Ultimate Guide to Cunnilingus.

Accomplish #3 and She’ll stick with you in sickness and in health.

You’re welcome,

Mann Landers