Dear Mann Landers,

Let me cut to the chase. I met this girl at a bar the other night and we really hit it off. At the end of the night, I didn’t know what to do – should I move in for a kiss, invite her back to my place, should I grab her hand…? I thought about making a move, but wasn’t really sure she would go for it.  What should I have done?  What do I do now – is there any way to salvage this?

Sincerely,

No Finish in Finland

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Dear No Finish,

This is part II of my response.  Part I can be found here.  Today’s part one outlined what to do, whereas today will outline what to do if your approach fails.

Now imagine that whatever you have done, she has rejected in some fashion.  This was your worst case scenario, right?  A seriously awkward situation.  The two of you standing there – you melting in the rejection, and she, arms crossed rolling her eyes while crickets chirp in the background.

It might surprise you to learn that in my younger days, I also had a mentor or two.  Their advice still sticks with me to this day:  A lady does not judge you on your approach, but rather on your recovery.  It doesn’t matter if you go down in flames on your attempt, if you can bounce back quickly, you’re likely in a good position.

You have to remember that while you are on offense, and trying to score, women are innately defensive, protecting their chastity like a bear protecting her cubs.  Scoring will not be easy – even if you’re only after a phone number, her instinct might be to turn you down.  If you come back with a witty response, or just aren’t phased by the rejection, you’ll come across as poised rather than a nervous wreck – more Bond than McLovin (though admittedly somewhere in the middle of that spectrum). 

 A solid recovery might be the key to the promised land, or at least the key to the phone number, that might eventually lead to a date, and then hopefully the promised land*.  If she clearly isn’t interested, this is where you need to walk away, head held high.  You gave it your best shot and should have no regrets.

Here’s the best part: that trite saying about there being plenty of other fish in the sea… it’s true.  Complaints like  ”It’s so hard to meet people” and “All the good ones are taken,” are made by people who are still single (or unsuccessful) because they make dumb comments like that, so don’t get caught in that trap. If you think “all the good ones are taken” then you just have to go for younger girls (of legal age). Trick them into loving you early.

You’re welcome,

Mann Landers

*Note: By “promised land” I meant love.  What did you think I meant?