Dear Mann Landers,
Let me cut to the chase. I met this girl at a bar the other night and we really hit it off. At the end of the night, I didn’t know what to do – should I move in for a kiss, invite her back to my place, should I grab her hand…? I thought about making a move, but wasn’t really sure she would go for it. What should I have done? What do I do now – is there any way to salvage this?
Sincerely,
No Finish in Finland
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Dear No Finish,
Great question, and it will require me to write a two part response. Today’s part one will outline what to do, and part two on Friday will outline what to do if your approach fails.
I can almost taste the awkward moment in your writing. Not to fear, this is actually one of the more difficult places to find yourself in the dating game. The truth? This situation is always going to be based in a little bit of awkwardness. The key is that over time you learn how to handle it better.
Think about how you got yourself here. Like an accomplished athlete making his way towards the goal, chances are you charmed the pants off her (well, almost) by undressing her defences with your humor, intelligence and wit. Suddenly you find yourself on the precipice of the goal. The only thing standing between you and the back of the net is a goalie. But, the odds are in your favor – you are on a breakaway!
You need to take control of the situation. What is currently going through your head (and likely hers) is too much thinking about what to do and how to do it. Quit with the self-talk. Just act already. If you’ve been having a good night with her, it’s likely she feels similar. Your instincts have been right all night, so be the hero and address the situation straight on with confidence.
It won’t matter if you grab her hand, kiss her, or invite her back. As long as you do it decisively and with confidence, she’ll understand the signal you’re sending.
As this clip from Swingers suggests, be the bear.
You’re so money! (and welcome),
Mann Landers
