Dear Mann Landers,

I was born premature as a baby. Little did I know that that characteristic would follow me throughout my life. Yes …. what I’m getting at is I’m premature in bed. I’m quick.

Any trade secrets to share Mann?

Usain Bolt, in Jamaica

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Dear Usain Bolt,

I’m guessing you’re not actually the world’s fastest man Usain Bolt - but you do get the award for best “cover name” in the history of my column.

It’s ironic that you chose the name Usain Bolt - a man who earned world wide acclaim for his speed in finishing a race in 9.58 seconds.

When he finishes fast he get’s greeted like this:

Whereas when you finish fast you likely get greeted like this:

The truth is that your great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great ancestors would likely be incredibly envious of your speed. Turns out that being “fast in bed” was a very sought after attribute back in the day. It meant that you could spread your seed quickly without fear of predators attacking you while you and your lady  were “caught up in the moment”. Women of the time surely viewed a speedy guy as being a very considerate gentleman - one that cared more for her safety then prolonging his pleasure. ~*Awwee*~

When am I going to get to an answer? Well I’m posturing … I don’t have a solution. I don’t think you can fight millenniums of human evolution. From what I understand you’re born on either the slow track or the fast track. Sure you can try kegels, or psychology … but if any of that stuff truly worked then let’s face it, no one would suffer from this problem you face - they’d just Google it and fix it ASAP.

Just pay more attention to her in the ways that you are in 100% control. Take your time with pre-insertion (<— aka foreplay).  That or create a time machine and go back 1 million years to a time when your speed will be more revered.

You’re welcome,

Mann Landers