Dear Mann Landers,

I’ve been crushing on a girl for a long time. Never made a move because I never felt she was interested. We still hung out a fair bit after I came to terms with residing on her friend ladder. Turns out I was wrong, she was interested. I’ve now been labelled a pussy for not making a move. I’m so angry with myself!

Is there anyway that I can shake that label with this girl?

Labelled, in Lexington

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Dear Labelled,

No. You can’t shake it. You’re definitely a pussy.

But wait! That’s not necessarily a bad thing. There are two types of guys in the world: Dogs & Pussies.

Dogs: these guys take any interaction with a girl as though it’s a green light to hump their leg. Sometimes they’re right and they get the girl. Sometimes they’re wrong, and the girl scolds them. Even when scolded it doesn’t effect these guys, because as we know - dogs have a short term memory of only 3-5 seconds. 

Pussies: these guys are much more complex & calculating creatures. They know exactly what they want, and are very thorough in studying the object of their affection prior to pouncing. Pussies are very independent animals, and can come across a tad cold at times, but once they find a situation that makes them purr, they’re not going anywhere.

So if you’re a pussy - don’t sweat it. Just find a girl that is a cat person.

You’re welcome,

Mann Landers